The Winnie Bowl

The regular season has come to an end. It was an emotional roller coaster for us all. We all know whats at stake, I would say this years punishment is the worst one we’ve ever voted on.

We saw briannnn have his first few picks be autodrafted, funny how that worked out so well for him. A newcomer got out to a hot start, and made the playoffs without dealing with any butt sweat.

We saw a record in points against, and some of the highest amount totals in roster moves.

However what needs to be discussed and is currently trending in the Winnie Bowl group is what we do with the Winnie Bowl playoff bracket. Its been lacking a certain drive, unlike the Tommy Bowl which currently has all the attention and pressure needed to make it great. This problem has been around since the very creation of the Tommy Bowl.

This years Tommy Bowl is stacked, we have two Tommy Bowl champions in this years playoffs.

Leading off with a 5-8 record. A nearly even points for, points against team. Averaging (insert waiting for dan to update because im too lazy to do it myself) He is the 2016 Tommy Bowl Champion, Dan!!!!

With a 4-9 record, a -146 in points for, points against. Averaging (insert waiting for dan to update because im too lazy to do it myself). He is the good 2-0 in the Tommy Bowl championship game, Kyle!!!!

With a 4-9 record, a -189 in points for, points against. Averaging (insert waiting for dan to update because im too lazy to do it myself). He is also the good 2-0 in the Tommy Bowl championship game, Alex!!!!

With a 3-10 record, a -247 in points for, points against. Averaging (insert waiting for dan to update because im too lazy to do it myself). He is a two time (2014, 2017) Tommy Bowl Champion. Cheyne!!!

We will have much more on our Tommy contestants, but for now we need to cover the Winnie playoffs.

Seth (8-5) vs Chris (7-6). Battle of Colorado yet again!

Zac (8-5) vs Chris (7-6). Will Bad Chris check his roster this week and give Zac an easy win? Or will Zacs team steam roll Bad Chris’s team regardless if he checks it or not. My money is on the new guy. Pizza Ranch pizza will be served next Tuesday.

HERE WE GO WINNIE BOWL WEEKLY ROUND UP

The season is now winding down, all the ****’s have been handed out. The stage is set. Now the realization begins to emerge. Time to start training.

The only game that mattered was Good Chris taking on Cheyne. This was shaping up to be a perfect storm, Chris’s entire team was on a bye, HOWEVA he was facing Cheyne….going into this week teams facing Cheyne were scoring an average of 122.28 points per game. Well with a little help by a dumb butt the butt sweat that was flowing in Good Chris’s butt crack (that image is now in your head, you’re welcome) has been sealed shut.

You know the season isnt going your way when Baird sweeps you, my once proud streak is now a distant memory. Were onto next year.

I need to bust out my little violin for this person. For the 4th straight week, Dan’s team has scored 104 points or more….only to go 1-3. Let me also take this moment to remind you that in this league, you can have years that nothing seems to go right for you. It could be injuries, it could be that all your players entered the witness protection system, or it could be that you’re the lucky contestant that everyone’s team goes ape shit on.

We dont care about the other games, I suggest since we made changes for this season by adding the flex position that we add a bit more intensive to the Winnie playoffs. There’s no actual reward to winning the Winnie bowl other than maybe playing a small role in the Tommy champion punishment.

Time to look ahead to this weeks match ups, though the field is set, this is still an important week as we now have three teams at 4-8. Positioning for the Tommy playoffs to give yourself the best chance to win a single game is critical.

Dan (4-8) vs Bad Chris. Maybe Bad Chris will check his roster this week?

Kyle (4-8) vs Seth. Maybe Seth will check his roster this week?

Alex (4-8) vs Cheyne. MUCK BATTLE! possible Tommy Bowl championship game!!!

To those that have stars next to your name….

HERE WE GO WINNIE BOWL WEEKLY ROUNDUP

Today most of you woke up feeling refreshed, today most of you feel grateful. You have a new look on life. For five of us (really just three) the next two weeks will be brutal.

The game of the week didnt disappoint at all! The drama ensued all the way into late Monday evening, Good Chris walks away with a huge W. Dan has lost two straight games as the muck begins to do its thing.

The other major game also had drama lasting late into Monday night. Bad Chrisss puts would could be the final nail into my coffin. I should have went with my gut.

The Heberts did their thing and beat Dweeb. Dont care.

Zac crushed Cheyne. Dont care.

The one and only time that we want Briannnnn to win he….loses. Well…. we gotta do it anyways….DOWN HE GOES!!!! DOWN!! DOWN!! HE GOES!! Doesnt feel right.

Time to look ahead to this weeks match ups. Two weeks left, three people battling for the final spot. The lovely workers here at the Winnie Bowl Weekly have put together this statistical chart for all teams. Thank you honey. ❤

Brian (8-3) vs Kyle (4-7). Its simple. Win out and hope the others lose. #beatbriannnnn

Good Chris (5-6) vs Cheyne (2-9). IF good chris wins he pretty much secures the final *. Luckily for him hes going against an opponent that gets blown away all season long.

Dan (4-7) vs Alex (3-8). MUST WIN game for Dan in order to keep his hopes alive. Facing a very weak foe thats given up on his team and began following the training plan that his opponent provided.

We dont care about the rest of the games. I hate all of you, especially the ones that voted for this years punishment. I hope all of you receive itchy butt after reading this part for the rest of the day today.

HERE WE GO WINNIE BOWL WEEKLY ROUND UP

Week 10 is in the books, the field is getting tighter and tighter, kinda like my waist line. Lots to get to, our first * was handed out….sigh. The finish line is in sight, the butt sweat has never been higher and it will only get sweatier from here on out.

If I had a dime every time I left a high scoring player on my bench…. I’d have about $3.50. DANNY MOTHER FUCKING DIMES! Congratulations to briannnnnnnnnnn. Yet another classic victory for him, this one sealed his fate as he received the first *. It was the second lowest scoring victory for this season, only in front of team Heberts week 7, 77.24 – 71.32 win over Dan. Once again the goldfish provided you the luckiest fantasy team in the world.

Team Hebert arrived back in the good old USA with Thomas and received a nice victory over Good Chris. Good Chris is streaking!… he received his third…..straight……loss!! Not the type of streaking you want to do this time of the year.

Getting out of the muck is not easy, but yours truly has put together two wins. This is the most amount of wins that I’ve had in a single month, congratulations Kyle! Thank you! Dweeby suffered his third straight loss, like his name all you need now is one win.

Seth cruises to an easy win against Cheyne. Literally Seth’s entire bench was on a bye. Our newly assigned intern “Briannnnnn” discovered that Cheyne has hit a bit of a bad streak this season. Cheyne has had more points scored against him this year than any of our teams points for. He currently sits 5th place in points for. Luckily for him if the Tommy bracket were to start today (thank fucking god its not) he would have a good chance to win a game.

The guy thats one spot ahead of Cheyne in points for is flirting with disaster. Even if Dan started Mark Andrews it wouldnt have mattered. Cheese it man, Zac survived long enough to receive Patty Mahomes this weekend. Three teams now sit at 4-6.

Time to preview this weeks match ups. Just three weeks left in the regular season. This week is shaping up to be absolutely massive, right now we have three teams at 6-4, also three teams at 4-6. Two of the 4-6 teams face each other, while two of the 6-4 teams have must win games in order to stay away from the muck.

Dan (4-6) vs Good Chris (4-6). Its not a muck battle but whoever losses will be in the muck. This is it for Good Chris, IF* he losses he pretty much seals his fate. If Dan losses depending on points may/may not be in.

Bad Chris (6-4) vs Kyle (4-6). Soooo close to breathing fresh air, so close to the light at the end of the tunnel. If* I win depending on the points situation between the other 4-6 teams…I could be free. Bad Chris really wants to get sweat this weekend.

Heberts (7-3) vs Alex (3-7). Its all but over for both of these teams, Heberts could get their * if they win. While Dweeb will get his official * if he losses.

Zac (6-4) vs Cheyne (2-8). This weekend is Cheyne’s birthday, I think the proper gift to give him would be cheese its nah more like an ass whooping while on your way to getting a *.

Briannn (8-2) vs Seth (6-4). The only reason I’m writing anything here is because briannnnnn really wants to win just to have Seth worried. But we all know that we dont root for terrorists in this group. So now since he received that * all we ask is you knock him down a peg so briannnn doesnt get the first round bye. #beatbriannnnnnn

HERE WE GO WINNIE BOWL WEEKLY ROUND UP

Were starting to heat up! Exciting times in the Winnie! November has arrived, were in the 7th inning stretch (thats baseball Suzyn).

Week nines muck battle didnt disappoint, close until the very end but Dan walks away victorious. With the win Dan is muck free for now… Our two time Tommy Bowl Champion, Cheyne is the sole holder of the top spot…I mean bottom.

Good Chris enters the muck why? because I beat him thats why!! Good Chris could have been off to a solid start on Halloween had he started Kyler Murray…..he must have been too busy trick or treating.

For the first time this season the Patriots defense didnt score more than 10 points. However briannnnnnnnnnnn still managed to score 136 points because Russell Wilson is a dickhead. Poor Dweeby luck was not in your favor. Baird has won 5 straight games…. seems as though he will not see the muck. sigh

the whooping that was heard from the other side of the world! my goodness everyone on team Hebert went off! including their bench! Zac’s team blew its load last week against a busch league team. Prep the cheese its.

We have a troll among the group. some say its strategy, some say its better safe then sorry. I say we have a troll, well done Bad Chris, well done. Poor Peacock receives a painful loss, Thielen leaves the game with an injury. Hey at least Denver won a game!

Time to look ahead to this weeks match ups. A few marque showdowns, a couple lopsided ones, a couple even. It should be yet again another exciting weekend.

There’s a possibility that four teams could be 5-5. THERE’S also a possibility that three teams could be 4-6, i know which outcome we all want.

Kyle (3-6) vs Alex (3-6). WE HAVE A MUCK BATTLE! I REPEAT WE HAVE A MUCK BATTLE! Just like Dweebys new name, we just need one win…..the winner of this game will be one step closer to escaping the muck. The other is fucked.

Briannnnn (7-2) vs Bad Chris (6-3). Someone has to do it, someone has to stop him. I know, I know its too little, too late but he needs to be reminded of what a loss feels like in this league. #beatbriannnnnnnn.

The Heberts (6-3) vs Good Chris (4-5). The Heberts are looking to stay on pace with Baird. Good Chris faces a tough foe in his grand attempt to escape the muck.

Seth (5-4) vs Cheyne (2-7). Seth looking to rebound after a painful loss, Cheyne is still searching for that magic. Dont sleep on Cheynes team, maybe his luck will change?

Zac (5-4) vs Dan (4-5). That beginners luck might be wearing off… however Dan is fighting for a key spot to avoid being back in the muck. Huge match up between these two.

HERE WE GO WINNIE BOWL WEEKLY ROUND UP

Week 8 is in the books. How is your team doing? A good way to tell is how much butt sweat have you produced? Most of you should be around a “healthy” amount.

It was finally revealed that we have a grand master troll in the league. The newcomer has brought his A game to us vets. Some people usually respond with smack talk, others have posted pictures of respected team players smiling on social media accounts. But Zac has taken it to another level. *I’ll be waiting for my letter of cheese it crumbs in the mail after my team received another ass whooping. Reality hits hard after winning our only game in the month of October. He even trolled me in our match up having a player score zero points all while blowing me out by 68…

*I’m a dumb butt and didnt understand this level of trolling….I’ll drink once i get home.

Speaking of ass whooping’s Good Chris failed to do our leagues common goal. Baird is unstoppable, as his team once again scored 164623560235623572 points. Just think he was freaking out, pissed off at his poor internet connection in bum-fuck ohio during the draft… Like the Patriots, his luck is bound to run out soon right?

#BREAKING CHEYNE WON A GAME! You read that right. Cheyne won a game! A nice parting gift for the Heberts as they begin their journey to the land of the curry to pick up their child.

Poor Dweeby, he tried! Coleman did everything he could but Bad Chris survived by the hairs of his chiny chin, chin! I see what you were trying to do, the olde classic game of can my bench outscore my starters!

Finally Dan is struggling, he thought he could recreate the magic from last week based on his bench….nope! Seth picks up a much needed win.

Time to look ahead to next weeks match ups. These are must watch. All feel like win or go home….while baird of course gets a cupcake game (though half of his team is on a bye, but he’ll still manage to score 130 points)…..fucking asshole.

Briannnn (6-2) vs Alex (3-5). Like I said a cupcake game for Baird, if Dweeb does pull off the major upset, he could see the light of day! #beatbriannnnnnnnnnn

Seth (5-3) vs Bad Chris (5-3). No major implications for these two, but nonetheless a win will get you one step closer to achieving a ****.

Zac (5-3) vs Heberts (5-3). Again no major implications for these butttt the Heberts will be managed by trusty friends, be a real shame to see them go on a little skid…..

Dan (3-5) vs Cheyne (2-6). WE HAVE A MUCK BATTLE! WE HAVE A MUCK BATTLE! Dan battling for his life, trying to escape while Cheyne feels like he just joined the mile high club.

Good Chris (4-4) vs Kyle (2-6). Our sole 4-4 team (after I thought we’d have five-six teams, wrong!) Chris has been sitting right their in arms reach of the muck. Shall we bring our defending Winnie Bowl champion down to the real competition? I say we do!

HERE WE GO WINNIE BOWL WEEKLY ROUNDUP

Folks its the most wonderful time of the year, what a week to start it off. I’m talking about chaos season! Enjoy the last eight weeks of football as we head towards the finish and enjoy all the chaos that comes with it.

I WON A GAME!!! I WON!! Poor Cheyne. Cant catch a break, as every week the team he faces goes off on him while his team stinks it up. On the plus side, Barkley returned from injury!

Back in August we had ourselves a nice group chat, it was to welcome Zac into the league. Well you’re not officially apart of the league until you lose to briannnnn in the most dramatic of ways. We have the perfect scenario painted for us, Zac the newcomer starts the week off a bit shaky losing Patty Mahomes. His team ends with a solid 101 points with a comfortable lead (30 points) heading into Monday. The Jets did you no favors, the patriots defense once again score a ridiculous amount of points and Zac loses. Welcome to the Winnie…..YOU HAD ONE JOB!

This hold my beer moment is brought to you by Dan, facing a dumb butt is easy, something the Heberts areprobably saying today. 100 points on the bench! Speaking of easy, Adam did some statistical research for us, that 100 points would have beaten 7 teams this week. We appreciate having both of you here :).

HISTORY WAS MADE. Talk about a nail biter! We had our third lowest winning score happen this weekend! All-Time classic showdown for this rivalry as Good Chris walks away victorious from Bad Chrissssssss

*Credit to the Winnie Bowl historians for putting in the time and effort for these stats.

Finally another close game, Dweeby picking up a huge win against Seth as he tries to climb out of the muck. Hey! at least your bench beat his bench.

Time to look ahead to this weeks match-ups. Its week eight folks…. no muck battles unfortunately. WE COULD HAVE SIX, YES SIX TEAMS AT 4-4.

The Heberts (5-2) vs Cheyne (1-6). Lets continue his streak of events. Poor Cheyne has go to against one of the better teams in the league because they have the living cheat code that is McCaffery.

Zac (4-3) vs Kyle (2-5). One team is experiencing their first losing streak in the league, while the other is celebrating their first win in over a month.

Bad Chris (4-3) vs Alex (3-4). Here’s his chance to escape the muck, here’s his chance to cause chaos in the league.

Seth (4-3) vs Dan (3-4). Two Tommy Bowl champions going head to head. Time to rebound for both teams, who will be the lucky one?

Brian (5-2) vs Good Chris (4-3). Both of them are on winning streaks, both won last week by the skin of their teeth. It is time to do what this league has set out to do…..#beatbriannnnnnnnnnnn

WHO WANTS TO SEE SIX TEAMS AT 4-4? I DO! (Hopefully I’ll be 3-5)

HERE WE GO WINNIE BOWL WEEKLY ROUND UP

Going to be self centered and start with myself taking on Dan. Glad to see that Will Fuller has returned back to his old self after scoring 40 points last week. We’ve lost five straight games, complete free fall. It’s time begin getting mentally set for the inevitable…

Our first muck battle lived up to its expectations. After the newly updated standings, both our still stuck in the muck! Good Chris walked away with the win and is ever so close to escaping. As for Dweeby, me and Chyene enjoy your company.

How bout Bad Chris?! Picking up a huge win against Zac. Dont worry Zac, if it makes you feel better I left Diggs on my bench in another league too… least your vikings won!

Seth picked up a win against Adam. Adam dealt with a crushing blow as Will Dissly now has a torn Achilles. We have five teams at 4-2.

Speaking of one of those 4-2 teams, Cheyne failed to do the league mission. Briannnnn now leads the league. Just think he was bitching about his auto draft problems….

Time to look ahead to this weeks match-ups.

Cheyne (1-5) vs Kyle (1-5). OUR SECOND MUCK BATTLE IS HERE!! Were both already fucked at this point. Possibly our Tommy Bowl match up. The Two Time Tommy Champion, Cheyne is in mid season form. Cheyne holds the only stat that his team is worse than mine and thats in points against. Time to end the skid!!

Seth (4-2) vs Alex (2-4). One team has won three straight, the other has lost two. Who’s streak will continue?! Dweeb looking to stay close to good chris and dan while near the muck division line.

Bad Chris (4-2) vs Good Chris (3-3). The age olde tale, good vs bad.

Adam (4-2) vs Dan (3-3). Lets see if Adam can overcome losing a player like Dissly, his team has been battling injuries all season. Dan is looking to stay another game ahead of the muck.

Brian (4-2) vs Zac (4-2). Top two teams face off in the league, Zac dont disappoint us now. Lets start off on the right foot when it comes to this #beatbriannnnnnnn.

You cant escape it….

HERE WE GO WINNIE BOWL WEEKLY ROUNDUP

Holy Smokes Batman! What a week for high scoring offenses, and two very stinky performances. Starting to see the top teams move away from the pack, while others further entrench themselves in the muck.

We no longer have an 0h-fer team in the Winnie! Cheyne picks up his first win of the season against Bad Chris. Still in the muck though.

After suffering his first loss of the season, Zac picked up where he left off. Cruises to a win while the Dweeb struggles like the Browns offense.

The battle of Colorado goes to….Seth!!! What a beating! Watson scored as many points as Good Chris’s entire team scored!

Even with a goose egg, Briannnnnnnn picks up another victory against Dan. Russell muscle was too much for Dan’s team to overcome. Sad!

This was a terrible week for yours truly, my team is struggling to put points on the board. Aaron Jones had four touchdowns on Sunday, my team has scored three touchdowns in a two week span… The Heberts have won three straight while I’ve lost four….were in full panic mode.

Time to preview this weeks match ups. Rally time people! I’m starting a rally campaign titled “Fuck the Muck!”

Cheyne (1-4) vs Briannnnnn (3-2). He’s feeling good folks! Got that win under his belt, time to take down big red. You know what to do #beatbriannnnnnnnnn

Alex (2-3) vs Good Chris (2-3). WE HAVE A MUCK BATTLE! Get the popcorn, get nice and comfy, enjoy this epic battle (possibly Tommy Bowl preview??) and watch the butt sweat flow.

Dan (2-3) vs Kyle (1-4). Both of us are on losing streaks, pending on what happens between this match-up and others, we could have four teams at 2-4. Must win game from here on out for me….

The Heberts (4-1) vs Seth (3-2). These teams are on winning streaks and living the high life (insert high life guy here). The Heberts can really put space between the rest of the league and get ever closer to getting a *.

Zac (4-1) vs Bad Chris (3-2). Zac is looking to stay parallel with the Heberts while Bad Chris is in the same boat with Seth. Will we see upsets or will we see chaos as they try and stay away from us muck boys.

***This is a public service announcement, please trade with me. My team stinks. Thank you***

HERE WE GO WINNIE BOWL WEEKLY ROUNDUP

We are now a quarter of the way through the season. Say Kyle….didnt the season start like last Sunday? Certainly feels that way so I say to the football gods, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Mainly because I need to increase my weekly mileage….thats a different topic. MOVING ON!

We have an upset! The new guy has finally lost. Zac had his lowest point total on the season, while Good Chris won his second straight game.

Speaking of someone losing….DOWN HE GOES!! DOWN!! DOWN!! HE GOES! Though he scored 111 points it wasnt enough to take down the Heberts. The Patriots defense continues its ridiculous scoring streak, however they were the only productive part from the Patriots.

I’m not nervous, I’m not nervous…I’m nervous. I thought to myself after Thursday night that I had this week in the bag already….wrong! When you’re kicker is your second highest point scorer, while Seth’s kicker outscored most of my team, you’re going to end up on a three game losing streak. I’m not nervous….

For those of you that actually watched the Monday Night Football game you would have seen the comeback for Bad Chris against Dan. James Connor had himself a night! Bad Chris would have been a big dummy had he lost with two 20 pointer scorers left on his bench.

Folks I want to take this moment to remind everyone that some people compete for a different title. Case in point we have Cheyne, he is well on his way to claiming his third Tommy Bowl. Maybe this fast paced start is because hes tied with Seth with two titles? It hasn’t been great for Cheyne, injuries have been a problem and while thats bad his opponents also lay down an ass whooping giving him the lead in points against.

Time to look ahead to this weeks match ups. There’s currently three groups, those at 3-1, those at 2-2, and the muck boys. Like I said theres still plenty of football left to escape the muck….

The Heberts (3-1) vs Kyle (1-3). Our newly crowned first place team takes on yours truly in a “must win” situation for me. I’m not nervous, I’m not nervous.

Bad Chris (3-1) vs Cheyne (0-4). Danny “mother fuckin” Dimes is looking to drop dimes all over Cheyne. Will Cheyne pick up a much needed win?

Dan (2-2) vs Briannnnnn (2-2). It’s that time folks, the heated rivalry between these two. Kinda like the Patriots vs the Bills. #beatbriannnnnnnnnnn

Zac (3-1) vs Alex/Dweeb (2-2). One guy is looking to rebound after suffering his first loss. The other is looking to escape the muck. I say apply the pressure to the new guy!

Good Chris (2-2) vs Seth (2-2) The battle of Colorado is at stake! Will Good Chris continue to win or will Peacock pick up another big W?

Questions, comments, concerns? Please address any complaints to Paul Manaford, Winne Bowl Cultural Attaché and Special Projects Manager, Metropolitan Correctional Center, New York, NY 10007.